Frustrations Mounting

Sickness. Lack of Sleep. Work.

And then there are the things I sort of have some iota of control over. Like running a film competition. Marketing it. Giving interviews, both in print and on the radio. Greasing palms for sponsorships and door prizes. And then, you know, finding time to film your own entry for your own film competition in what amounts to less time than you've given the teams you've scrounged up.

That's where the real problem lies. I wasn't worried that we had a couple fewer teams than we originally dreamt up. I wasn't worried that turnout wasn't overwhelming at the kickoff show. I had a good time and listened to 3 great local bands that were generous enough to donate us some of their songs and some of their time.

[In case you are feeling lost, I am a co-organizer of the Brickwall Film Competition, local here to Columbia, Mo. Click here to be taken to another lovely blog that the other organizer Jim and I maintain for it.]

None of those things really bothered me too much. But the best attribute one can bring to the table when competing in a deadline competition is planning. And usually, even if we are running behind, or small stumbling blocks arise, our plan is strong enough to keep the ship righted and steaming on. Lets just say; we've done this a time or two.

And our plan this time just fell to shambles.

The finger pointing, head-butting and nail-chewing deliberation don't go here. We keep all that behind closed doors. But, suffice to say, we were in a bad way earlier today. [...next time on "How to Rhyme"... ahhh, it never ends.]

So.

A new plan. New ideas are birthed, new scenes are written and new actors chosen to fill new roles. Simpler quickly becomes complex and is then quickly amputated back to simple again. Time is a tourniquet. Work and real life are performing surgery on our weekend. And yet we persevere. We scribble and jot, we visualize, we pitch. We are both too stubborn to argue, because it serves no point. Just ask us about flipping a coin. It happens. We cajole, we dream and then we get serious again.

And at some point we film. At some point.

Its a grand time; running around your hometown trailing wires and equipment while battling the intoxicating effects of sleep deprivation. Trying to get amateur actors (i.e. soon-to-be-former-friends) to remember their lines and deliver those Oscar-worthy goodies without cracking a smile. And then after you drop your last actor off at their car and their whining has faded into the distance as a memory; you edit.

And let me tell the uninitiated among you. There is no activity that is less exciting than being at the "zombie" end of the exhaustion scale and sitting down in front of a monitor and watching the computer slowly (in real time) digest all of the footage YOU JUST SHOT.

And after all of that, the tears, the pain, the joy, all of it; the victorious arm raising moment can still be mercilessly snatched away from you. Denied by the cruel mistress who is technology. The "I forgot to save for the last 30 minutes and now the program is locked up" imp. The "why won't it read this DVD" succubus. Trust me, I could go on.

And the clock is counting down. Just the time it took me to write all this down, I could have fleshed out another scene, or brainstormed a new list of shooting locales. Oh well. Everything will get done. The plan will work out.

Let's just say; we've done this a time or two.

Please come check out ALL of the wonderful films that will be shown on Monday night, April 7th at 7pm in the Deja Vu Comedy Club. And any support (even mental and psychological) is welcome, too. We like good vibes from those of you too far away to attend!

What percent is enough?

I sit here on my couch, fighting through coughing fits and trying to will myself to sleep for a few hours before tomorrow starts anew. I would normally be flipping through the channels mindlessly, attention deficit floating; but tonight I hardly touch the remote, except to mute out the droning commercials so the rest of the sleeping household won't hear.

My question I'm asking myself as I watch is this: What percentage of my current level of cynicism would I need to actually believe what Barack Obama is saying this evening?

Because I want to believe. The man brings so much to the table. He speaks with passion, he points towards compassion, and there is a quiet conviction and dedication to how he presents himself. He brings feasible ideas forward with clarity and ease. And yet...

I'm scared to let myself believe. How can he stand strong when and where so many others have fallen short? Why him, why now? How many cliches seem to fit? "If something seems to good to be true..."

I don't have a gauge or a good estimate to give a qualitative, objective answer to my question. What I know, for now at least, is that I am far too cynical to anoint him.

I will praise him, though, and with locusts and honey in my beard announce the coming of one who COULD be, and hope that I can be the one who was wrong in the end.