An Ode to my man Bob S

I guess it might be the slacker side of me, but I have always appreciated what Bob Schneider brought to the table with these lyrics. The song is entitled "Orlando", and since I ripped off some more of his lyrics for the title of my blog, I guess I should give him some love here. Enjoy:


I was sitting naked in a Holiday Inn down in Orlando
And it was the morning of the last day of the year
I didn't know who I was and I thought I might be Marlon Brando
But if I was him... than what the hell was I doing here?
So I asked myself... one simple question
What would I do with the rest of my life?
If I knew I couldn’t fail I guess I'd get the hell
Out of Orlando and find me a rich and beautiful wife

Cause I don’t want to do a damn thing
And I want to be appreciated
And I want to get paid well for it
Don’t want to be hated
I don’t want to do a damn thing... 'cept lie in the sun
And be loved loved loved loved loved by everyone

So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a porno
They said you better have a credit card I said honey I’m pretty hard up
But I ain’t got no visa I said honey could you please uh help me
She said she was sorry... but I think she was just disgusted
And I was kinda disgusted myself cause it had all come down to this
And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely
When you’re sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird
Down in Orlando in the middle of the night

So I called up an old friend, just to see how he was doing
But he sounded like a robot... it was like I barely knew him
So I said I had to go now I couldn’t take it any longer
And the desire to throw my naked body out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger
I tried to take a cold shower... but I couldn’t get my nerve up
I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair
That was the worst idea that I had all day
But goddamn it gets lonely down in f.l.o.r... ida

Then I thought to myself... what the hell was a jaybird
And just what the hell does it look like, what the hell am I thinking, what the hell am I doing
So I tried to write a good song.. but this is all I got
You know I sang it for your girlfriend and she said she liked it a lot, yeah
Except the part about killing myself and the part about trying to find a rich wife
She said you should have gone to Sea World... you might have had a better time
I said thanks for the input... thanks for the advice
But, honey, the only way I’m ever going back to Orlando is if I live life twice

Cause I don’t wanna to do a damn thing
And I want to be appreciated
And I want to get paid well for it
And I don’t want to be hated
I don’t want to do a damn thing except lie in the sun
And be loved loved loved loved loved by everyone